I read somewhere that people who have a positive attitude live longer. If this is, indeed, the case – I am screwed.
As far as I can tell, I’ve pretty much been a crotchety old person complaining about the music being too loud and telling people to get the hell off my lawn (figuratively speaking, of course) for most of my adult life.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m generally a nice, friendly person in my own guarded, reclusive, “New England introvert” sort-of way. It’s actually my intense emotional sensitivity that causes me to become overwhelmed and thus more circumspect and wary. I feel all emotions deeply. I brood, I ponder, I analyze, I worry.
Everything has a weight. Even little things when added to the pile make it that much a heavier burden to bear. And when that pile gets too heavy? Let me tell you, my friends, there are times when I’m in a truly foul mood.
Oh, I’ve heard my share of tut-tutting over my negativity and well-meaning appeals to “just look on the bright side” and to “consider those less fortunate”, the assumption being that surely if I considered the plight of others compared to my own I would realize things don’t suck as much as I think they do and I’d be more grateful.
The thing is, we sensitive folk are already well aware of injustice and suffering and despair in the world. It’s part of the pile – trust me.
My problem isn’t a lack of perspective or an inability to recognize all I have to be thankful for; my problem is how do I cope with the increasingly heavy pile of life’s stresses?
And it’s not just the day-to-day stresses anymore. Lately, this Universe has become a colder, darker place, with looming threats and uncertainty beyond my ability to control. I’ve become mired in a pile so deep, at times I feel as though I’m almost unable to move. There’s an instinct to protect myself, to pretend things don’t bother me, to ignore any unpleasantness with the hopes that the world will simply right itself again.
Sometimes in dark and troubled times, comfort and inspiration can come from unexpected sources. In this case my unexpected source of comfort and inspiration happens to be “Scarabaeidae” – the common dung beetle.
I caught a glimpse of this plucky little insect on my son’s “Video Touch” app. It was a short video clip of a diligent, determined dung beetle pushing a perfectly formed sphere of poop over a pebbled landscape. He was clumsily making his way along the ground with his front legs while pushing the poop ball with his back feet. At one point in his earnest travels, he lost his balance and landed on the hard, black shell of his back. Front legs flailing wildly in the air and back legs digging backwards, he desperately hopped his body about until he leveraged himself against a small rock, flipped over, and scurried back to his poop ball to continue his journey.
I’m not normally a fan of insects, but I must admit I was impressed. At this point in my life, I am barely able to keep my shit together. Yet this amazing little insect is able to shape his shit into a tightly formed ball many times his own weight and then, with great effort and persistence, roll it quickly from the dung pile from whence it came.
Not only that – he rolls his poop ball in a straight line so as to not accidentally circle back and end up back at the dung pile where other beetles might try to steal it from him. How does he move in a straight line? Turns out, he uses the polarization of the sun during the day and the moon at night. And on moonless nights, the dung beetle guides himself using the Milky Way, the first animal shown in scientific studies to navigate by the stars.
In fact the more I researched this insect with a penchant for poop, the more I came to appreciate him on a philosophical level.
There are three types of dung beetles – dwellers who live in dung piles, tunnelers who bury their poop underground where they find it, and rollers who make their poop into balls and roll them away. In a strictly metaphorical sense, I believe “roller” dung beetles handle their shit better than “dwellers” who wallow in it and “tunnelers” who bury it.
For a while I was a “tunneler”, pretending, putting on a happy face, trying to bury the stress and anger and all those other negative feelings I thought best denied or hidden. But let’s be real – that shit doesn’t stay buried for long.
Right now, I’m a “dweller”, exhausted from wading through an overwhelming amount of crap, unable to pick a direction in which to focus my energy, and, quite frankly, beyond the point of pretending everything is OK and that I’m not actually stuck in a very stinky place.
I aspire to be a “roller”, to sort through all my stresses and worries, discard those I have no control over, get my shit together and form it into a tight ball I can roll with. I need to take action, pick a direction, and hold a steady course so as to not become entangled in conflicts and dramas at the dung pile. I need to focus my precious energy – there are many battles to be fought, but to my personal poop ball I will only add those that hold the most meaning for my family and me.
So now, emboldened by the dung beetle, the scarab, the Ancient Egyptian symbol of transformation and renewal – it’s time to break free from the pile.
Attempting to roll with my poop ball will be a clumsy endeavor, with lots of tripping and falling and flailing about with my vulnerable underbelly exposed, surrounded by a dusty cloud of curses and swears (and the occasional snark-filled tirade). Perhaps in those moments of frustration, I will take comfort in the image of a little dung beetle, sitting atop his sphere of poop, gazing at the heavens, setting his course by the stars.
Dell’Amore, Christine. “Dung Beetles Navigate Via the Milky Way, First Known in Animal Kingdom.” National Geographic, January 24, 2013, http://voices.nationalgeographic.com/2013/01/24/dung-beetles-navigate-via-the-milky-way-an-animal-kingdom-first/ . Accessed March 17, 2017.
“Dung Beetle gif.” Giphy.com, uploaded by: gifhell.com. from BBC One: Hidden Kingdoms. http://giphy.com/gifs/ball-dung-ha0ihj0UdzqP6 . Accessed March 18, 2017.
“Dung Beetle.” Wikipedia, last modified February 14, 2017, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dung_beetle. Accessed March 17, 2017.
Wits University. “Dung Beetles Follow the Milky Way: Insects Found to Use Stars for Orientation.” Science Daily, January 24, 2013, https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130124123203.htm . Accessed March 17, 2017.