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Liebster Award – A Post-Thanksgiving Word Workout

Published December 3, 2015 by Jen Rosado from MyAlternateUniv

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I haven’t published a post in a while. Honestly, the past couple months have been personally challenging, and on top of that I’ve had writer’s block. Oh, I’ve had plenty of stuff to say, even jotted down notes and mapped out chapters. But when I sat down to write, the words didn’t dance lithely from my fingertips to the computer screen. Instead they plodded and slogged and stumbled onto the page, collapsing into a clumsy, discordant lines, and no amount of poking and prodding on my part convinced them to rouse and arrange themselves in a more suitable, artistically engaging fashion.

So I took a little break. Rearranged my office. Cleaned my house. Reconnected with some old favorites from my CD collection.

Naturally, my words felt neglected and ignored, and they petulantly reminded me that I HAD been nominated for a Liebster Award over the summer and couldn’t I at LEAST put them to work fulfilling my requirements as a nominee?

It’s true. What better way to whip my lazy, bloated, uninspiring words back into shape than to answer a few questions? It’s a bit like a long, refreshing hike the day after Thanksgiving.

Before I begin giving my words a workout, I’d like to thank Brandi at Destination Enlightenment for nominating me for this Liebster Award and for providing an inspiration to kick-start my writing again. Brandi is a fellow curious traveler on the journey of life, and her blog is thought provoking and meaningful. I highly recommend checking it out!

The Liebster Award rules:

  • Make a post thanking and linking the person who nominated you.
  • Include the Liebster Award sticker in the post too.
  • Nominate 5 -10 other bloggers who you feel are worthy of this award. Let them know they have been nominated by commenting on one of their posts. You can also nominate the person who nominated you.
  • Ensure all of these bloggers have less than 200 followers.
  • Answer the eleven questions asked to you by the person who nominated you, and make eleven questions of your own for your nominees or you may use the same questions.
  • Lastly, COPY these rules in your post.

(OK. You probably noticed the third rule about nominating other bloggers. Because I have not been actively blogging the past few months, I have yet to complete this task. I will be on the look out for bloggers who meet the above criteria and announce my nominations at a later time. My apologies!)

  1. If you could meet one famous person, who would it be?

I’d be lying if I said there were no celebrities I would be interested in meeting. I can think of lots of actors, musicians, and dancers with whom I’d love to sit down and have a cup of coffee. However, when I imagine such a meeting, I can’t help but think of the initial breathless, starry-eyed handshake, me stammering something about being a REALLY BIG FAN, then the inevitable awkward silence followed by the painful small talk one might expect when two complete strangers meet but one just happens to know, admire, and hold the other in high esteem while the other one…doesn’t. The days and months following such a meeting would be filled with worry and embarrassment about the stupid things I said and why I asked that question and what their tone of voice meant when they answered the question and so on. I would never be able to see their movies, hear their music, or watch their dancing again without being reminded of my self-consciously awkward social inadequacies. No sense creating unnecessary angst.

But the question doesn’t say “celebrity”; it just says “famous person”. And the famous person I immediately thought of that I’d love to meet is Pope Francis. I very much admire him because he is someone who leads by example, with wisdom, kindness, and humility. Although I’m not a church going, religious person anymore, I’m in the midst of a spiritual journey of self-discovery. So it would be pretty amazing to meet the Pope, benefit from his wisdom, and get all deep and philosophical talking theology over a cup of coffee (or tea, as the case may be). Besides, being the Pope I’m sure he’d be forgiving of my social foibles.

  1. What is the simplest thing that makes you smile?

This one’s easy: My son’s smile. He has the most beautiful, infectious smile…seriously, I’m not just saying that because I’m his mom.

  1. What is your favorite season and why?

Autumn is definitely my favorites season. The colors, the smells, the fantastic weather, the free admission to beaches and parks, the far more flattering and comfortable fashions (at least for some of us), and pumpkin flavored everything. Most of all – it’s “back to school” time!  Woo-hoo!

  1. What is your all time favorite food?

I love pretty much any food I do not have to prepare myself. My mom has said that I was born too late because of my love for Big Band era music and movies, but I’ll argue I was born too early because the food replicator from Star Trek’s Enterprise has not been invented yet.

I guess if I were to pick one specific food I would say “taco pie”. It’s a dish my husband invented to use up leftovers from taco night. Layer all the leftovers – rice, corn, meat, sauces, avocado, cheese, shells, etc. – in a pie plate, and heat it in the microwave. So yummy and easy! (Almost as easy as saying, “Computer! Chicken taco pie with low-fat cheese, please.” Almost.)

  1. What song gets you pumped?

I notice this question says “pumped” – not a song that inspires you or gives you chills or you can’t help but dance to or makes you cry every single frickin’ time you hear it – I can name oh, so many of those songs. This is a song that gets you “pumped”. If I want a song that makes me feel strong and powerful and loaded with adrenaline for an ass-kicking workout, I dive into my collection of old, heavy metal CDs and pull out Prodigy “The Fat of the Land” album, the song “Mindfields”.

  1. What was the most inspiring book you have ever read?

Being an elementary teacher in my previous universe, I had the pleasure of reading fabulous literature by children’s authors. One of my favorite books is “Morning Girl” by Michael Dorris. I read it to my 5th graders every year. It’s simple in its story lines, yet exquisitely written in such a way that it elicits empathy in the reader without hitting you over the head with sentimentality. I have also read other stories by Michael Dorris, and he has inspired my writing by painting beautiful images with figurative language and by allowing his characters to work through their emotions to discover deeper meaning.

  1. Any other interests other than writing/blogging?

Swing dancing! That’s how my husband and I met. We danced several times a week, belonged to two performance groups, and although we are horribly out of shape now, we can still break out the Lindy Hop and Charleston moves at weddings. (However, our days of lifts and aerials are over, I’m afraid.)

  1. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No. But I do believe in the idea of being on the same wavelength as someone. It’s kind of like the sound waves produced by music notes. Each note alone is beautiful. When combined with another note it can produce harmonic resonance or jarring dissonance. My husband is easy on the eyes, for sure, but I could sense an immediate connection when we actually talked for the first time. Our notes “blend” well.

  1. Are you multi lingual or do you know parts of another language?

Je parle juste un peu le francais. I learned a little French in high school. I remember enough to order food and to ask where the bathroom is.  Right now I’m learning sign language with my son.

  1. Who do you look up to or who inspires you?

My husband and son inspire me. They are the source of my writing material, the brightest stars in my galaxy, the light shining through my dark matter, the pull for my gravity, the action for my inertia, the chocolate center for my Lindt ball, the wind beneath my wings, and all that. They’re pretty awesome.

  1. What do you enjoy most about blogging?

I love connecting with interesting and amazingly talented bloggers from all around the world!!

 

So now my words are feeling useful and reinvigorated, all stretched out and ready for blogging again.  Thank you to my readers for not completely giving up on me!

 

 

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Empathy – The Birth of a Blogger

Published July 24, 2014 by Jen Rosado from MyAlternateUniv

When I arrived in my alternate universe, my first thought was not to start writing a blog. Early on in my adventures, all my thoughts and energy went into SURVIVAL. Yes, I know this sounds a bit exaggerated and overly dramatic, but it’s true.

I think every parent of a child with special needs has read the beautiful essay by Emily Perl Kingsley called, “Welcome to Holland”. I get all teary-eyed when I read it, and I’ve shared it several times on Facebook over the years. In the essay, Emily describes her experience of finding out her child has a disability by comparing becoming a parent to a trip to Italy. You’re excited and prepared for Italy, read the guidebooks, learned some Italian phrases, and planned out which sites to visit. As the plane comes in for a landing, the stewardess announces that you’ve arrived…in Holland. Her description of the shock, the confusion, the disappointment, and finally the acceptance – that’s pretty much what it feels like.

But I’ve always imagined that our plane did not land in Italy or Holland. After all, Holland is peaceful and serene, with tulips and windmills – a nice, relaxing, slow-paced destination. I’m guessing that our pilot came over the intercom with an irritatingly jovial voice to announce, “Well folks, we know you love mystery and adventure! So we’re letting you jump out of the plane and parachute into this jungle here! Heh! Heh! It’s pretty crazy at night, so we recommend sleeping in shifts or not sleeping at all. Your mission is to find some friendly natives who live in the jungle. The quicker you find them the better off you’ll be in the long run, so pay attention! They will direct you to the nearest civilization – a busy and confusing city, crowded with honking cars and people who don’t speak your language. THAT is where you’ll find the next clues in your adventure. Aaaaaannnnd if you’re lucky, you might eventually find your way to HOLLAND!”

Ah, yes. That’s more like it. Now you see why I was focused on survival and self-preservation for those first few years. Our lives had become “Survivor”, “The Amazing Race”, and “Nanny 911”, all rolled into one.

After four and a half years in this place, the inspiration to write a blog hit me. WHY I wanted to write about my experiences is pretty selfish, really. I was looking for empathy. I wanted people to understand. I wanted to feel less alone.

Because this universe is terribly lonely at times. The nature of autism is a “separate-ness”, an “alone-ness”, not just for the child but also the parents. It doesn’t happen right away necessarily – it’s a distance that grows over time. Even after making new friends in the special-needs community, I still felt isolated. I missed my old friends, my old life. I found myself becoming ever more envious of the friends who ended up in “Italy”.

It was nobody’s fault really. My friends and I still tried to get-together and hang out. But I felt weird right after my son’s diagnosis – like an exposed nerve, electricity buzzing all around my head. I’m surprised people couldn’t hear all those excited electrons zipping and banging into each other, because all that racket was making it very difficult for me to put coherent thoughts together. And my anxiety was such that my head felt detached, as though it was floating a little above my body like a helium balloon.

Electrically charged particles, floating head, thoughts lost in a static haze…hmmm… sounds a little dangerous. Indeed, I should have had some kind of warning sign on me, mainly for my newly acquired case of “blurting”. I often found myself interrupting a pleasant conversation with friends to blurt out, “My son has autism…”. Of course, my poor friends would have no idea what to say or even what look to put on their face.

Later I’d be driving home, thoughts bouncing around in my electrified balloon head: Why weren’t my friends making me feel better? Didn’t they understand? Didn’t they know how difficult and painful this was for me?

The truth is, no, they didn’t understand. They COULDN’T understand, not really, unless they had been through it themselves.

This was my first “empathy epiphany”. I realized that when you empathize with someone, you try to put yourself in his/her shoes and understand their feelings from their perspective. This is a little more difficult to do when that person is going through something that you have absolutely no personal experience with. You end up pulling things from your memory that are closest to what they are going through, hoping those words of advice or reassurance will provide some comfort. I know, because I’ve done this before myself, when I really care about that person and their struggles, and I’m desperately trying to find a way to make them feel better.

But that’s not always easy…or even possible.

This was my second epiphany: It was not the job of my friends to make me feel better about my son’s autism. Because really, there was nothing anyone could say at that point to make me feel better. It was an unfair expectation.

So how does all this stuff about empathy lead to my decision to write a blog?

Well, the idea to write a blog came from my last “empathy epiphany.” It started with a fundraiser:

A month or two after the diagnosis, my sister-in-law called to tell me about a fundraising walk for an autism charity. “We should form a team!” she suggested. It sounded fun, so I agreed. It was only two weeks until the walk, but we managed to register our small team and raise $400. The event was such a wonderful, positive experience. Everyone there was celebrating someone with autism, just like us. With all the stress and anxiety that is autism, this was like a deep cleansing breath, and the positive energy grounded me. The buzzing electricity began to fade, and my head slowly returned to my shoulders.

Posting our team photo on Facebook was kind of like our autism “Big Reveal” to anyone who didn’t know about it yet. Empowered, I shared pictures and articles related to autism and posted occasional updates about my son’s progress in the months and years that followed. Autism wasn’t a secret to be hidden or discussed in hushed voices, nor was it something shocking that I needed to blurt out at dinner parties. It was simply a matter of fact: Our son had autism, and it was part of our reality now.

With this approach, friends wanted to know more about my son and his progress. They asked questions and took an interest in learning about autism. Some asked to join our team for future walks. It was as if people no longer had to worry about looking for the right words or the correct expression to put on their face when I talked about my son’s autism. Being open and honest, I felt more connected to people, sharing my experiences without placing unfair expectations on them to comfort me.

And here’s the strange thing – although there was no expectation of comfort, I WAS comforted. My comfort was the feeling that I was no longer ALONE in autism.

That was my final “empathy epiphany”, the reason I chose to start writing this blog. My friends didn’t have to understand everything that I was experiencing in order to give me love and support. They did that by just sharing in the journey.

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